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I'm tired of fighting so hard to just not be depressed. I just want to let it consume me, it's like quicksand.
My mum doesn't understand, my future is fucked, and not just because I'm trans, I don't see anything to fight for anymore.
I wish I could just resent those in my family who don't really accept it, but I can't, I love them too much, and I feel so fucking bad for doing this to them. My life is a wreck and I'm ruining theirs along with it. They will be disliked by association with a freak.
On top of that I made the mistake of reading a book intended for young teenagers from the Watchtower... And now I very much feel a deep dislike of Jehovah's Witnesses. Which is bad, I know, but the book was teaching such disgusting lessons, and I'm (hypocritically) prone to group prejudice. Although, not permanent, it usually lasts a couple of days, but it is wrong. Yet another of my hideous flaws and failings as a decent human being.
My YouTube channel
My YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCW3Qt2TujUDqFIB6XZSwdag
So basically I feel like shit.
I am being forced to dress girly for my friend's 18th, having narrowly avoided being forced into a dress. I was literally being made to feel bad about refusing to wear a dress, and I tried to tell them how uncomfortable I'd be, but that was hard without being able to say why.
I've been extremely put off about coming out to these friends at all now, because one of them, upon discussing a local politician who happens to be a transwoman, she said "she looks like a man and she used to be a man, it is really quite funny." Which I found offensive and aggravating. And here there and everywhere people remind me of my sex and how I have to be girly
Awareness in the UK
So my college failed to add TDoR to the list of international pride/awareness days that it shows on the slideshow that is up every day. I sent them an email regarding this, and about how I felt it really should be mentioned. It turns out, my college gets the dates from a calendar that holds all the dates for the country that serves as a reference for all organisations in the country. TDoR is not on there, its existence is not even acknowledged. I think my college will be adding it to the slideshow now, but it doesn't change the fact that the UK doesn't seem to recognise that TDoR or transgender awareness week even exists. This is terrible. Ho
Wish list that is a long way away.
Things that really would make my life 182847692958281 times easier to put up with.
Binder
Packer/STP
T
Accepting family and friends
An M on my papers
A male name
All these things are so damn far away...
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Comments11
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It's alright. We're all prejudice every once in a while.
You're worth something! By the sound of it, you DO have acting talents... 
Out of curiosity, what did the book say that made you think so terribly of Jehovah's Witnesses? Is it something that only the conservative ones believe in, like how only the really religious /and bigoted/ Christians don't support gay rights?